the butt stops here

(photo from nytimes.com)

So it's official.

Roy is an innovator, a style-guru, a taste-maker if you will.

Months ago he purchased the Toto Washlet and people scoffed at his acquisition. But now, almost 5 months later people are reading about it in The New York Times and they're finally catching on...or dare I say, getting on?

just curious

(photo from flickr)

What is the appropriate response when someone falls asleep on a totally packed subway car ON. YOUR. SHOULDER. and begins to snore like a drowning gremlin? Is beating them with my over-stuffed gym bag too severe? Plugging their nostrils with the gum under my seat, over the top?

jack is so grounded

Officially, Jack and I are not speaking.
This morning as I got up to go to run, I picked him up to say hello and snuggle a bit. He was content with this as he purred, closed his eyes and snuggled in. And then it happened.

He swatted me IN THE FACE. Not a normal swat, sans the death claws, but full force Wolverine-style.

I was bleeding.

BLEEDING, BLOOD WAS DRIPPING FROM MY SKIN!

I am SO not talking to him.
After he did it, I didn't drop him and scream. I held him and looked at him and said NO! in my most convincing baritone Roy voice.

Not cool, little cat, not cool.

This is officially reason #756,807 that I want a puppy, not a wolf in Jack's clothing.

early morning tales of foolish ambition

After 2 weeks of gorging myself, I have restarted my exercise routine.

*sigh*

This morning I went for a run at 530 (my internal clock has not readjusted itself and so I am WIDE. AWAKE. AT. 4AM.) It was nice, a little chilly and very quiet.

It wasn’t until I got back to Poplar that I realized that my teeny (I thought no one will see them) undergarments were sticking out of the top of my shorts like a little whale tail.

So all those stares in my direction on the Brooklyn Bridge this morning, they weren’t silent encouragements, as I had assumed, they were early morning gawkers—at my protruding white arse.

Quite a way to announce to the neighborhood that I'm back in town.

shorter than a 12.5 hour flight

Found this video online from an Israeli guitarist, who sent it to his friends to show them a little more of Israel then what they see on TV. I thought I'd share it with you all. I miss it already.

*sniffle*

saddened

(taken from the New England Holocaust Memorial, Boston)

Yesterday swastikas and other anti-semitic pamphlets and placards were found on apartment buildings, synagogues and cars in Brooklyn Heights.

I don't want to give these hateful people too much attention (this also includes Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad) as they've already had coverage on the news and online, but I thought it important to say something.

Especially after reading the above link where a local realtor, Kevin Carberry, was quoted as saying; "It's irrational and it's sad, but I don't think it has anything to do with me. I'm Irish. "

Mr. Carberry, this can happen anywhere, and when it happens, no matter your affiliation, it applies to YOU.

american cornball

Saturday Anne and Linds are having a party.

A cornhole party.

Sounds slightly pornographic, but hardly as fun. It's a glorified shuffleboard with bean bags and beer.

What is most entertaining about this "sport" is seeing grown-up, well-educated people losing their minds over their lack of hand-eye coordination. I think I might take some video. To tell you how serious this is, last time in June, the party was just a BBQ with some cornhole involved. This weekend, the Evite said; "There will be less food, more booze... we will be outside for the most part, so dress accordingly."

First of all, that's barely possible. I think there were more handles of booze last time than guys in Nantucket Reds.

Second, I am not sure how well we'll be playing cornhole at 7pm IN.THE.DARK.

I guess thats why we have to "dress accordingly."

wishing i could stay

And so I am officially back. Got to the apartment at around 2:30 am and went right to sleep after snuggling with jack and jumping in the shower.

It was a long flight, 12.5 hours and I only slept for 4(ish) of them. I saw the craptastic Ocean's 13 or 27, or whatever version it is about 72 times. I ate 3 yogurts, 4 pitas, 6 glasses of water and an unmentionable amount of hummus.

I used to take Ambien for any flight over 3 hours and block out any misery in my puddle of drool, but I have a new theory since learning of that crash in Thailand last week. If something happens to the plane, might be good to be awake.

I mean, at least in theory.

constant cravings

I'd like to introduce you to the world's greatest food...

Sabich. (SAA-BEECH)

Now, I know. It doesn't look like much. But it's amazing.

Here are the ingredients: (Roy forgive my butchering of such a delicacy)

Pita (fresh baked)
Fried/Grilled eggplant slices
Flat parsley salad
Hard boiled egg slices
Tomato slices
Onion slices
Orange pickled mango sauce
Hummus
Something else, I forget
One other thing I forget

But Damn. DAMN. I could eat this every day.

monkey see, monkey do

(the beautiful burial caves we went to see on our trip before the feasting side-tracked us)

I am a friggin' monkey.

Roy and I went with his parents for a road trip. I am not sure anyone had any idea how much of a trip it would be. Every time we passed a fig tree, or carob tree, Sima (Roy's mother) and I would screech for the car to stop so we could jump out and CLIMB. THE. TREE.

That's right...

we climbed the trees and ate the fruit like starving chimpanzees. It was amazing. I loved every minute of it.

(dates)

(olives)

(carob)

(figs)

and the cuteness continues

Puppies, baby horses, adorable children and fried food.

How, you may ask, could it get any better?
Let me break it down for you:

1. the puppy, he was tiny and squirmy like a freshly caught trout. (see above picture, was unable to get him to actually sit still and pose for a picture...this is the best I could do until he literally fell dead asleep.)

2. the baby horses outnumbered the people there. cuteness was exponential.

3. the girls, Noa and Inbal were charming and sweet--oh and did I mention they gave me CANDY?

4. fried food was had by all, the recipe for which, I've memorized.

5. I got to sing theme song from "Saved By the Bell" with Noa, which I feel not only impressed her but may have slightly scarred her for life.




this is a video of Boaz training* one of the new horses in his ring. Below are some more pictures from last night.

WARNING!!! ACHTUNG!!!!
(the cuteness may melt your screen, may not BSFW)



*just for all of you PETA freak shows out there, he's NOT hitting the horse, he's cracking the crop behind him and the making of that noise is enough to propel the horse forward. Just an FYI

top of the world

This morning, Roy's brother Yishai treated us to breakfast, pool time and massages in Tel Aviv.
I felt like jello afterward and am still convinced I might need Skele-gro later on tonight.

It's such a treat to be here. Everyday is a surprise, and everything is better. I am up for anything and open to new adventures. Things just feel different this time.

And I couldn't be happier about it.

I know it sounds a little loopy, but you can blame that on the sun and the massage.

(above and below, some Tel Aviv action from the roof of our spa day)

yosi katan

2 of Roy's closest friends have a son.
His name is Arad.
He is only 2 and is a miniature version of his father (sorry Michal!)
The 5 of us went north this weekend to the Kineret (Sea of Galilee to the rest of the world) and I took a small sampling of his cuteness...watch if you dare.

I could barely standing taking the video, his cuteness almost broke my camera.

Hummus by any other name...

...is crap.

Ok, so I'm finally here...
...and it's wonderful.

There are Jasmine, Olive, Fig and Mango trees everywhere I turn and smiling faces I missed more than I realized in only a years' time.

This visit has been much more relaxed than last time as I've met everyone I needed to (roughly a million relatives, if you asked me this time last year) and I'm taking it easy.

The day I got here, we had Rosh Hashana dinner and the next few days were spent recovering from that feast as well as barbecues and trips up to the country

(a beautiful hostel on a cliff overlooking the sea of Galilee) and A. LOT. OF. EATING.

I think today was a culmination of that feasting mentality when Roy took me to his, and apparently every Israeli's favorite hummus (pronounced HOO-MOOSE here). There was a line like I have never seen, it was like Grimaldi's in Brooklyn but in Hebrew.

My kind of place.
No menu.
No smiles.

Just a plate of onions, some hot sauce and a cola if you want some or water.
That's it.

The hummus comes in a shallow bowl and you pour the hot sauce on top. then they throw some pita your way and that's it.

Let me get this out of the way. I do not like Hummus.

ok? I know, what a crime.

But I just don't have a taste for it.

Today, on the other hand, was different. It was silky and light with some whole chickpeas for texture and so much flavor.

I have to admit that Roy had to help me finish my troth-o-hummus, but I kind of let him because he dreams about this place every time I buy a tub of some toothpaste thick stuff back in NY.

I'll probably still be tasting it later on tonight, so I'll give you a proper review tomorrow.

Nana-licious

let me get this out of the way, I LOVE MY NANA.

she's going to be 93 and she could kick your ass. No, really. Your ass would be toast. She works out every day, eats super healthy, drinks sherry and loves to dance and flirt--with everyone.

nuthin' wrong with that.

Last weekend, I went to visit Lillian to take her grocery shopping and have some lunch. I brought my friend Cordelia with me and the above is a little clip of her "trying" to pay the bill, and winking at the waiter--whose dimples she never stopped complementing. Literally, as we walked out, she paid them another compliment.

my hero.

he's just not that into you.

(image via nymag.com)

Ok, Anna we get it...you like Roger.

trust me...

we all do.

But, please play a little more hard to get. I mean, the man's got a wonderful girlfriend/fiance. And they LIVE TOGETHER. he's not that into you.

I mean, its nice to see you smiling for once but stop embarrassing yourself. It's just not good form. At the Oscar show ROGER gets a standing ovation? ROGER? Oscar is the genius:

All photos by Imaxtree

...and quite frankly, I'd be a little pissed if 6 months of work was overlooked because RF was there.

(and I mean, I love me some RF)

I am not alone

Getty Images

I read www.gofugyourself.com
I love the way the "fug" girls blog.
During fashion week, they're guest blogging for NYMAG.com

this is what they had to say today....

(click here)


*sigh*

Ce soir ou Jamais

(picture courtesy of CLAUDETTE BARIUS / HBO)

Saw me some Jeremy Piven last night at this event at MoMa.

Learned a few things too:

1. JP is super short
2. Also super HOT
3. Food tastes better bite-sized (Sm'ores, Tater Tots, Grilled Cheese)
4. Brady hasn't lost her wingman status
5. Vince is a lot funnier when I've had some (A. LOT.) of wine.
6. Even when food is miniature, women in fashion will still not eat it all.
7. Stuffing your face with tiny apple pies is neither attractive nor really inconspicuous.
8. Stilettos hurt
9. Jeremy Piven does not like being followed around at an event
10. Neither does his publicist, on his behalf.
11. Chasing is made harder by said stilettos.

shameless self-promotion

I have this friend, Megan...She is a goddess.
She is one of my closest confidants and a tireless supporter.
I've been through some tough times with her help, sordid tales of love won and lost, jobs I loved and hated and roughly 4 apartments.

We met at Seventeen years ago, where we shared a cube and I mercilessly kicked her chair and generally tortured her.

....what, you're surprised?

Anyway, since then we've really become close.

It's really rare to have someone in your life who listens and supports you without judging. For that and many other countless reasons, Brady is my dear friend.

Well, she also blogged about me today, which helps.

...I kiddddd, I kidddddd.

But, back in the day, we used to go to Brother Jimmy's on the UES EVERY. WEDNESDAY. NIGHT.

(picture circa 2003 or 4)

It was a crazy time, where we got a chance to gossip and let our hair down.

Usually, the night would start with a shot of Jack and a Heineken (for me) and an on tap beer for her. Those nights, although somewhat foggy, were some of the best times.

We met a lot of interesting characters up there and since then we've moved locations and altered our drinking regimes somewhat ( I think Brady told me I was "declawed" since our Bro Joe's Days) --what? I'm getting old!

Despite a lot of messy nights and bouts of crying over spilled beers, I'm happy to report we're still as close.

I'd like to think closer.

ben the wondermutt

Ben is getting pretty cute.
I have to admit, I wasn't a big fan in the beginning.
He's in an awkward stage where he looks a lot like a baby deer, all legs and very wobbly. There's no more cowering or shyness.
He's totally comfortable in his new home, as I witnessed 2 or 3 times where he literally ran down the hallway at top speed and LEAPED onto Sophie.
Of course, this only occurred a few times before Sophie literally pinned him to the ground, his ass in the air and her mouth on his neck. I am sure if I could understand Golden Retriever, I would have heard many expletives that I couldn't repeat here.

(but you know I still would)

...ok, seriously?

(photo courtesy of Theron Parlin on flickr)

So apparently, taxi drivers in NYC are planning to go on STRIKE tomorrow morning at 5am.
what are they protesting?
prices?
more vacation days?
better cars?
NOPE.

They are striking because of a proposal to put GPS technology and credit card capability in every cab.

WHAT. THE. HELL?

Drivers claim that this will allow the city to keep tabs on them. I'm no genius, but they can probably do that anyway, without GPS in your cab. The mayor says that the city wants to HELP people, help them find lost items and make it easier in general--and that's alright with me.

They're planning a two day strike.

The only redeemable quality about this strike is that Fashion week starts tomorrow and it will be pretty funny seeing all those editors hoofing it in their Louboutins.

road to nowhere

Was stuck on the subway this morning. When I say STUCK I mean I was trapped underground for an hour UNDER THE WATER between Brooklyn and Manhattan.

I was reading my book, eating my Kirsch-approved protein bar so it wasn't bad. FOR. THE. FIRST. 10 MINUTES.

When I got out of the station in NYC, I climbed the stairs and planned to head back to Brooklyn, figuring that it was not in the cards for me to go into the city. HA.

At the top of the stairs there was NO ONE. A screen closed the main entrance to the subway and there was NO ONE there. At the opposite track, I saw some MTA workers and asked them if the downtown trian was running. He said I just missed it, it had just left on the UPTOWN EXPRESS TRACK.

"Oh, really?" I asked, "What an idiot I am, I totally missed the sign."

"Oh," he chuckled "there wasn't a sign. There's no service on these tracks right now."

"Ahhh," I said, "so yo guys are the idiots, thanks."

Maybe I was too harsh, but this is the second time that I've been shocked by the inability of this city's subway system to advise their customers of delays. The GREATEST city in the world has a subway system that can't communicate properly with its customers. When I was stuck on the train, the announcer came on to tell us there was a delay because of bad wires between West 4th and 59th street and we would be moving shortly. What the Hell does that mean?? That was all he said, that's it.

There was no thought process involved, why not try to get the train to the next station, try to get the people off or something!

I thought of airplanes, and how even though we all laugh and mostly ignore it, we all pretty much know where the exits are on a plane and what should be done in an emergency. There are lighted exits, slides and safety seats. But, in the subway, you're literally trapped...

...like a rat.

time traveler

(photo courtesy of www.imdb.com)

Am spending the weekend in CT for some much needed peace and QUIET. When I came across a photo of me from my brother's bar mitzvah luncheon (DEFINITELY not posting that, all I can say is French braid gone very very bad) where I performed "Ain't never had a friend like me" from Aladdin (hey, it was popular back then) and saw the Hebrew version online today. Now THAT would have been a bit more impressive...