guilty pleasure

(photo courtesy of The Food Network)

i love ina garten. i love her cookbooks, her recipes, her love of food, her attitude and naturally, her affection for butter. i am working from home today, getting ready for my big move to brooklyn heights and in the background i'm listening to ina make tequila lime chicken, guacamole and key lime pie. oh and did i fail to mention she's also making CORN PUDDING?!

*sigh*

along with that saucy, voluptuous culinary empress nigella lawson; ina can butter my graham cracker crust any day.

she's a goddess...

a visitor from another world

this is the cockroach that darkened my front doorway last night, literally. i am posting this as one of the last photos of him/her alive. soon after this portrait was taken i proceeded to kick the living crap out of it ( i know this cause some of its no-longer-living-crap is on my shoe.)

grrrrrrrrl stuff

(image by tim walker)

so today has been one of those days. there's a lot going on at work, at home, with my car (see below) and my family. also its later in the month--if you catch my drift. my life feels exactly like this photo, un-tameable, wild and overwhelming. underneath i can see that there's potential, but right at this moment i need some serious weed-b-gon.

i digress...

i think i am handling things pretty well considering and i think i've given myself too much credit too quickly and by too quickly i mean at all. i usually like to just put my head down in times like these and plug away at what needs to get done. kinda like i am waiting for the rain to pass tonight before i go out tonight.

i had a very long day, an emotional one. where i almost lost it at work, my car 's engine light was on again and the mechanics were acting like i made it all up (see below). i snapped at my mother for infringing on my saturday, was frustrated with the small amount of packing i've done for my move this weekend and my procrastinating re: roy's going away present.

now some of you are reading this with real issues, and i know what's plaguing me isn't anything compared to serious problems (i am insanely lucky with all of the ingredients i've aforementioned). granted. but when you're in the thick of things, anything can be overwhelming and exhausting.

*sigh*

i only mention the above because when i finally got home from the gym and the equally tiring walk home in bikram-yoga-esque heat, i found a GIANT cockroach on my front door, smiling at me ( i swear i heard it snicker). it was like the fates were mocking me. now, i'm no wuss but it was the last straw. that poor sucker didn't even know what hit it (or kicked it, rather) as i beat the crap out of it with my Reefs. in tears, i called the elevator attendant to come help me dispose of the body in some Coroleone family way.

it was cathartic. fuck the rain, i'm ready to go out!

crush, bordering on obsession--take 2!

my friend megan is a smart girl, talented writer, kick-ass wingman (in the days I needed one) but she’s mildly obsessed with this actor-guy. i won’t mention his name in case they one day actually exchange more than 20 words and go on a date and have a relationship and shit. but months ago we went to this local dive bar (think every Ed Burns movie you’ve ever seen, minus the Ed Burns) near my apartment in Chelsea and she bought him a beer. since then, she’s blogged about it and because she thinks he’s in town she’s dragging me there tomorrow night.

now i like this bar and i love that randomly every time we go there are SNL cast mates or some actor-dude in the corner playing "Golden Tee", but a pick-up joint it is not.

its not that i don't think she has mad skillz, i think its kind of cute that she is going there--correction, we're going there--to bump into him. and i do in fact, wonder what will transpire.

maybe i'll take some pictures...

stay tuned. i'll let you know how it goes.

someone made this montage...i applaud them (hint, click on the pic)

eye, eye matey!

my parents got a new puppy. he's blind in one eye.

now, don't get me wrong, i am not one to judge. but...

let me ask you a question.

is it strange that a half blind puppy creates almost twice the damage of one with all of his sight?

a car by any other name...

my car was stolen. in APRIL. it’s by no means a fancy car, or the car of my wildest dreams, but it was my car. the saga is finally over, some 2.5 months later and i wanted to write about it once the whole event had run its course.

please keep in mind that while this car was stolen, recovered, towed, damaged, repaired, damaged, towed and returned—the renovations were still going on. raging in all their skull-ripping glory.

but, i digress.

my jeep (apparently an easy mark) was stolen off a quiet street and its disappearance blew my mind. reporting it to the police wasn’t much fun, as they assumed that i was either an idiot, “are you sure you didn’t park it somewhere else?” or that I was wasting their time with an un-crime on such a busy night. they informed me that i needed to fill out a report and that if the vehicle was not recovered in 10 days, my insurance company would write me a check for the value and i would pay it off. this seemed sad, but alright, considering my lease is up in SEPTEMBER.

fast-forward…they found the car. In south Jamaica. At 3am. on the 7th day.

this is where it gets interesting.

i had to find a place to fix it and someone to tow it there, as the police dept informed me there was no steering column. I again relied on my insurance angel (bless you Keith at AIG PCS!!), we found a jeep dealer in Bay Ridge (close enough to Roy’s apartment, etc) Insurance covered everything including a rental car. but first I had to go “identify the body” of my poor Jessica (the jeep).

as always, Roy was valiant and relentless in his support and friendship. we drove together in the rental car to Bay Ridge to pay the tow company and send it on its way to the dealer. Seems easy, right?

uh, yeah…not so much.

i am driving my little zippy rental and Roy and i are going back and forth to Home Depot, Lowes, etc. when i get a call from the Bay Ridge thief of the month (Anthony—just you wait, payback’s a bitch). he called me honey, he called me baby, he said all the slimy things a mechanic stereotypically says to a woman with a connecticut license plate and a Red Sox sticker on the back of her jeep. message was that all the keys had to be changed and re-programmed and he’d be in and out and that was it. sounds good. meanwhile…

renovations were kicking our asses—big time— and Roy borrowed the rental to go pick up some something we needed. he calls me at work at around 3 and says, “the car’s not here.” now, i am not giving him enough credit. he said a lot more than that, but that’s all i heard. there was more, but all i remember saying was “uh, i need to get off the phone now.” i couldn’t bare another issue. but i was polite and it was a little later that we realized the car was towed. in the cab that night to the impound lot, it was hard not to laugh…how much more could we take, what else could happen?

giggggggle….what else indeed.

when the time came a few weeks later (we were never told when the car would be ready), el doucho called me at work and asked me if i could come down there in an hour. when i said no, he sounded angry, got upset, then called me something that sent me over the edge. Not sure what it was, but i barked at him; “STOP. no more sweetie or honey; any name that you call your girlfriend or dog does NOT apply to me.” he shut up. i assured him i would be there that Saturday. that was it. he asked for Thursday (it was Wednesday), i asked him if he was serious and that was the end of our conversation.

when Roy and i got to the dealer, i’m telling you, i could have picked Anthony out of a lineup of crooks with a blindfold on. whatever he used to wax his shiny head reeked and i swear he shellacked his chest hair. ( i only know, because i could SEE it.)

we got into the car (somehow there was a plunger that wasn't ours in the back seat) and he assured us that our old keys would not work, that he had changed all of them, and the coding, blah, blah…we thanked him and drove home. parked both cars and planned on returning the rental on Monday.

fast forward to Monday. i go to get into the rental and some jerk with a bus and a ladder has backed into the hood leaving these gashes. it looked like a vampire had come by to attack the car and for some reason changed his mind.

i drive the car to the rental place 15 minutes before they close with Roy for support and they inform me that they are going to call their adjuster and i should call my insurance company, cause they need to send this car to the shop to fix the “gash” (they actually called it that). i was beside myself. somehow the angel that Keith is (yeah AIG PCS), he fixed it for me without filing another claim and making me pay another deductible. now it’s Wednesday, so the car had to be moved for street cleaning. Roy didn’t have the “new” key on him, so by chance he tried the old one.

guess what happened. go on.

it worked. it worked and i was furious. i called AIG PCS immediately and told them what happened and vowed never to let anyone i know go to that dealership and deal with that thief.

moving on… Roy’s lovely friends are in town and we’re all piling into the car when Yossi notices that the headlight doesn’t work and that the engine light is on. i audibly sigh. somehow we make it to dinner and back without blowing up.

i didn’t think too much of the light, i had called Keith and he said we could take it to my local Jeep dealership, somewhere where the mechanics are honest and not covered in dippity doo. no biggie. Friday after work, i go pick up the car and head up the west side highway to CT. i had an appointment at my dealership and everything would be ok. Keith had arranged a rental car to pick me up there and i would be worry free.

*sigh*

i managed to get about 5 miles when the engine light went back on. i drove to the gas station and looked under the hood to check the oil. THERE WAS NO DIPSTICK. a quick glance at my battery and i saw IT WAS NOT MY ORIGINAL BATTERY. there were exposed wires and stripped screws, it was a mess. i called Roy (poor guy was at 6 flags) and i told him i was going to have the car fixed again, that i felt unsafe and i was fed up. he was supportive, if not thrilled, that i’d be there that evening for dinner and told me it would all be alright.
Keith told me he would have the car towed to an AIG approved garage where they would fix it and, unlike Bay ridge Jeep, check under the hood and look for other issues.
deal. also, he would find me a rental car immediately. I told him it was not a problem, that I would take the train to CT, and rent one the following week (for our trip to RI).

i rented a mini, had a blast in it and am picking my jeep up today. it’s been a long exhausting adventure. i’ve learned a few things in the process:

• don’t keep valuables in your car
• don’t keep cds you like in your car
• avoid unknown dealerships that you only later find out SUCK
• get a club or similar anti-theft device (even if you don’t lock it)
• get good car insurance, the best you can, end of story
• don’t stress the small stuff—trust me, it could always get worse

you need to make time to caulk

i am involved in a pretty huge renovation project. Roy is updating his apartment and we’ve been working as a team since late March on a new Bathroom, Kitchen, Floor, Paint job, etc.

i was told before it began that it would be one of the most stressful times for our relationship. this, aside from moving and DEATH is one of the hardest times for couples. hearing this, i remained unfazed. i have a solid relationship and there was no way a couple of workmen and some putty was going to get in the way.

but I can see it now. i see how people lose it over a backsplash and go crazy over grout colors. it makes sense. despite growing up with the benefit of an interior designer as a mother, there are SO MANY friggin’ details that it’s impossible to know what you need to order or take into consideration.

Roy and I decided from the start that our teamwork would be unflappable and we were going to compromise and work together. and for all of the drama that ensued, Roy was at the job site EVERY DAY before, during and after work, despite the fact that we are staying at my-much smaller-apartment in Chelsea during all this. he worked from home, learned some Chinese and Polish (ok, maybe just the accents) and taught me how to rewire a dimmer switch. i couldn’t have asked for a better partner in crime.

let me make it clear from the start that all the decisions made in the apt were done together. what became overwhelming and terrifying was the volume of decisions that had to be made in such a short amount of time; in addition to the drama that inevitably ensued with delivery dates, shotty-negligent-rude sales people (thy name is Gina) and crooked installations. no one is prepared for this. no one.

you mustn’t forget that while all these things are being ordered, installed, painted and paid for…life goes on. cars get stolen and recovered (more on that tomorrow), rental cars get towed, people get stress-induced skull ripping migraines, allergies attack like silver-star throwing ninjas, offices get transferred to NJ, dust accumulates, people break their own ribs, sleep is lost. it’s exhausting.

we went to Home Depot and Lowe’s so many times that we were being recognized at the register. we spent hours there, often past 10pm, often times delirious from too many choices and not enough time. there were very helpful people we encountered along the way (Mom, Devora, Mr. Lee, Katie and Anne), and a sincere thanks goes out from the bottom of my heart---but for the most part we were really on our own.

am happy to report that these days, things are looking up and we’re in the home stretch. the floor’s done, the cabinets, tile shower head, new toilet (BEST INVENTION EVER), grout, etc. and we’re unpacking and vacuuming. its nice to have most of it behind us.

there are a few things we’ll have with us forever though:

• roy’s awesome Chinese accent
• our ginormous collection of take-out menus
• a shorter path to the recycle room
• a newfound appreciation for those people that do this EVERY DAY for a living
• a love for the makers of Exedrin Migrane and Chlortrimatron—damn you guys are good!
• an aggressive, relentless Tasti-d-lite addiction
• most of all, that it kicks ass to have someone in your corner, even if you prefer your granite honed