girl interrupted

had me a breakdown of sorts recently upon moving to brooklyn and roy's abode.

it was unexpected, unnerving, and debilitating. i sat on the bed staring out the window unable to chat, be funny or even sleep. i felt like cameron in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" (but not as skinny or male.)
the idea that i no longer had my own place to go to was terrifying and i didn't know how to deal. roy was funny and sweet, helpful and kind, but it didn't work.

he suggested i go see a movie, or take a walk.
no thanks.

he offered dinner out, or a game of backgammon.
uh-uh.

a glass of wine?
nope

a pile of sushi?
usually works, but not today

but why?
i dunno*.

*because in my demented mind no matter how far i walked or how many movies i saw, i would still have to come back to his house. it was like an electric collar. i felt terrible, but it was true.

i am writing this some 3 weeks or so later because i have recovered, somewhat. i now find comfort in the things that frightened me and know i am very lucky.

i also know that the best things in life are often times the scariest.